Do you really want to read this? :P

***This is super long-winded and really boring, but FYI, I'm writing this more for myself to clear my head. The following is only for the brave who REALLY want to get in my thoughts.***

I know that I've blogged about this SO many times before, and I'm sure you're getting sick of reading it (if there even is a "you"), but I think the amount that I'm fretting over it is just a testiment to how important this is to me, and how confused I really am.

I'm back to the same old teaching v. museum education what do I want to DO with my life question. I have known for a super long time now that I either want to be a teacher, or work in educational programming for a museum/non-profit, or something similar.

Now that I'm coming up on my last semester, I'm starting to get REALLY nervous about everything that's going to happen come May 14. I like having a plan and knowing what I'm going to do. I like knowing where I'm going. And I think that's why I feel so much pressure to have a job and know what's going to happen once I'm done here.

The last couple of months I've been starting to move seriously on searching for a career and trying to get advice on what I should do, and how I should do it. I've been pouring over articles and talking to everyone I possibly can. I even trekked over to the Career Center on campus (even though they ended up being hardly any help.)
The hardest thing about this "quest" is that the kind of information I am looking for regarding museum education isn't readily available. The fact of the matter is, museum education isn't a "normal" career, and most people don't even think about it, much less talk about it in a career center. When I tell people it's what I want to do, I get a lot of blank stares and "huh's?"

Luckily, though, the woman I work under now turned out to be super helpful. We started talking about me graduating and what I wanted to do, and she gave me a lot of insight and advice, which I'm super grateful for. And I realized a lot about myself in talking to her.

First, I'm feeling an intense pressure to find a job, and quickly. She pointed out that it isn't necessary to know exactly what I'm going to do right away. She told me about how she went from one job to another, and how she started with an internship after she graduated -- that it took a couple of years for her to get the job she is at now. And I realized that I could do the same thing.

As for the pull between teaching and museum work, I think I've narrowed it down.

With teaching, I feel like I could have a lot more impact on kids -- which is what I want to do in the first place. I can have more time to educate kids in a long-term setting. There's the fact that, in a sense, it's more "practical." I know that there is a need for teachers, so it'll be easier for me to find an opening. It's very structured -- I know exactly what I need to do to get my credential and get started. And there's a lot of guidance. The thing is, though, it's a long process -- and I'm afraid to start that process when I'm having doubts. I'm afraid that I'd get bored with teaching. I don't know if I could really handle it, or see myself doing it. Then there's the fact that I have virtually no knowledge about education, unlike my other friends who've majored in education, etc.

As for museum education, I think it's a bit more comprehensive. I get to work with kids, but I also get to work in a non-profit setting, and I can utilize my other skills like writing, marketing, public relations, etc. I get to teach, but I also get to challenge myself. And I think, (and this isn't to say that teacher's aren't intellectual), but I feel that being involved in educational programming requires a little more creativity, more thought, more intensive work -- at least, more of the kind that I seek. I suppose in a sense, that it has more to do with administration than teaching. There's the fact that it doesn't require as much training as getting a credential does. The downside, though, is that I'd have to wait for an opening and hope I get lucky (unlike teaching, where I can just apply and most likely have a shot).

So those are the pro's and con's. My friends, especially HoHo, and Damy, my parents, and even strangers have been really great about listening to me ramble about all this. And after much thought and deliberation, and hearing people's opinions and advice, I've come up with this:

There is a job for a part-time museum educator at a new museum in Pasadena that I'm interested in. My plan is to apply (and hopefully get) that job and start working by next semester. This could get my foot in the door there, help me get some more experience and actual professional training, and *cross fingers* HOPEFULLY move up for a full-time position with more programming work there soon after I graduate. At the same time, while I'm working the part-time job, I am going to take the CSET, and work on getting reccomendations, etc. for the LAUSD internship program. This way, if the museum work doesn't pan out, or if I decide I don't like it, I can start the process for teaching knowing that I gave museum work a shot and with full confidence that teaching is the better fit for me.

Interesting train of thought, huh? I guess to a lot of people this is a lot of stupid worry and apprehension, but if you know me at all you know how worried and stressed out I've been over this. And I'm so relieved now that I have a PLAN. I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I just hope I can still be happy with this plan in a couple of weeks...I'd hate to change my mind again! :P