when bored, blog!

I'm bored. And as HoHo noted, it's been a while since I updated. So here goes...a nice long overly verbose entry that won't have much significance to anyone, not even me. :P

School has been...surprisingly low-key. So has work. I'm not too stressed out -- yet. I guess it's the calm before the storm, so to speak. Although this month really is the month to fear -- all but one of my classes is having finals/papers/final projects due this month, plus I've got my interviews this month as well. I have to prepare for that. Whoa, I have a writing prompt for that I just remembered. Haha.

I'm really excited for Thanksgiving, and again for winter break. I really want a vacation. I want to do something fun, something different. I really want to go somewhere, but I have no money. =X I dunno...I guess I want the whole romance thing -- iceskating and holding hands, hot chocolate and a carriage taking you through the snow, kissing under mistletoe and opening presents next to the chestnuts roasting on the open fire. :) haha...I love Christmas. I guess I want some "magic" too...

The past couple of weeks have been sort of rough. I don't know if it's hormones or what, but it's been really tough to get up in the morning and plaster a fake smile on my face and pretend that everything is okay when I feel so torn up inside. I especially cannot look in the mirror. I feel guilty when I eat. I really make myself sick. And being at home does not help. My parents do not make me feel any better. Makes me want to move out in a whole entirely different way. Regardless, though it's difficult because I can't really pinpoint why I feel this way. It's dumb, really. Just typical girly poopiness I suppose. I'm finding myself to be very envious of other people lately. Other girls who have what I want, my friends who're so successful, people I graduated with who have gone so far -- while I'm too stupid, too chicken or just not able to attain the same. I don't know...maybe this is like a pre-mid-life-crisis? Like maybe I just have to do something really drastic to validate myself. I onno. I just feel so grounded. I'm stuck in a rut. I don't try to go far because I settle for what's here. If that even makes sense.

My house is freezing. That's another reason I didn't want to come home -- winter. For real, my hands are like ice and if it gets any colder I'm going to be able to see my breath again. I complained to my parents that we need to get new insulation or new windows or something and they said they would if they hadn't blown all the money on my tuition the last four years.

Thanks.

:(