"Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it!"

I was washing my hands in the restroom at work today and I looked up in the mirror and saw not one, but two white hairs gleaming at me as if to say "Look! We're here! We're coming and we're attacking!"

I certainly hope those little hairs are no indication of what the next few months are about to bring. I've just barely completed the first week of the fall semester and I already feel an immsense amount of stress -- to the point that I feel sick. And I know I do it to myself.

Work the last couple of weeks has been inexplicably terrible. I cannot express how worried, miserable, angry, frustrated, nervous, upset, appalled, exhausted and confused I am by the situation that I face there. My mind tells me that I should turn my face and refuse to get involved - but I care so much about that place that I instead take on responsibilities that aren't mine, stress that doesn't belong to me, and worries that others should take on, not me.

School is especially daunting. Three of the syllabi I received this week were over 30 pages long -- and not because of any graphics or wasted space. I already have 4 major projects assigned, and reading assignments that seem to exceed the amount of assignments I had over my entire four years as an undergrad. My professors this semester are incredibly knowledgeable and experienced -- and also incredibly demanding. I feel as if, no matter how hard I've tried, I'm not prepared for the rigor of the program -- here's to praying that I make it.

Today was especially bad -- I felt like my insides were crumbling. There are so many things that I'm fighting inside that frighten and tear at my heart -- but I can't talk about that here. I got to work and, as usual, saw a mountain of work piling up and no one to take it down. So I stayed later and worked. I didn't get home until 7, when Serena's bday dinner was starting. I sprinted to grab my things, "wrap" her present and jump in the car -- only to fight traffic the entire way to the restaurant. I was nervous driving by myself, and, oh so appropriately, I ended up miles away from where I should have been because of my inaccurate directions. I got there late (I'm SO sorry, Serena) and barely made it for dessert and coffee before everyone headed out for a late night movie that, unfortunately I didn't have the energy to go to (sorry again, Serena...).

The only good parts of today: the fact that after the dinner I headed over to the girls' place and used Charity's computer (which she so graciously lent me, thank you Char!) to finish my assignment for Monday. The odd peace I found sitting in my car and crying as I drove across town and back. And, the slight relief that I feel sitting here and typing this all out.

Hollie, Damon, Jason and I are heading out to Hearst Castle this weekend for a short vacation. It will be nice to get away from all of this stress for a day or two, but at the same time, this trip is bringing me a lot of stress -- It's after midnight, we're leaving at 6 a.m., and I still haven't packed or started the homework I meant to do before I left. I think I need to sit out by the ocean tomorrow and just take a deep breath....I need to pull myself together.